Wednesday, May 18, 2016

well...it has been a while...

ok...its been some time. I last wrote about my brief encounter with Eddy Merckx at the Las Vegas Airport.

and now months have passed.  i feel like my life has been in turmoil since.

right around thanksgiving, 2 friends died of cancer..

then, my dad went in for what was supposed to be a fairly simple  procedure and did not come out the other side on this side of the soil.  yes, he died.  it was a devastating few days waiting around in the waiting room of the icu in a hospital in san antonio while several doctors debated whether what they were doing was going to pull him through or not. they were all wrong...i think they were wrong before they pulled him in for the procedure...fucking 20/20 hindsight fucking sucks....

the day before he went in to surgery, he left me a message that ended with "i just wanted to talk to you and say goodbye in case it does not work out"... i had been driving when he called so did not answer when he called.  when i listened to the message, i called right back...we talked for a few minutes...he told me he was not worried about the surgery...but when i hung up with him, i just felt strange...

my dad died a few days later...my mom, brother and sister and i were all together when it went down. i am having trouble writing about it now....6 months back. but i need to do it.

my dad should not be dead. the doctors should have been better about figuring out and fixing his heart issues.  but...after years as working as a paramedic, i know that medicine is a guessing game at times.

the bottom line is that i miss my dad; he was an incredibly kind and giving man. he was a great father, a great husband...he had his faults as all people do...he could be controlling and his silence could be withering when he was not pleased....but James P. Martin raised a family, served his country, and could fix the window winding mechanism of a  '49 ford...

i wish my dad was still here, but that is not to be.  about 2 weeks or so before he died, we were driving over to threadgills for lunch...he looked over at the tattoo below my left ear that looks like a stairway....he said: "is that heading into your brain?"..me: "yeah, that's pretty much it"....my dad then said..."that makes sense"....

that was my dad, as long as it made sense, it did not trod on someones rights, and if the leftovers helped  someone out...bring it on....


i try to end all my posts with music...dad liked otis redding,,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTVjnBo96Ug






  

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing this difficult recounting of your Dad's last few days-I have no idea how you and your Mom, my cousins-my family have made it, other than just being there for each other. Regardless of our Dad's relationship and how that all played out, I never stopped caring but, missed seeing your Mom and Dad so much, but nothing I could do....I still miss all of you greatly, I ache for you and the loss of your Dad, my uncle Paul-my love to you cousin and to my Aunt Andrea....you're right, hindsight fucking sucks

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