Monday, June 18, 2018

Motorcycles and Memories

A moto buddy of mine name Russ (Space Giant is his artist name) puts on a vintage motorcycle show on every year on Father's Day. Its always a fundraiser for something. It has been Austin Pets Alive in years past but this year it was for Big Medium, the folks who put on the East and West Austin Art Studio Tours .

The name of the show is The East Side Classic.It started in 2010 and he has been doing it every year since. It is, as the name suggests, always on the East side somewhere. It has grown and gotten bigger as these types of things are wont to do but Russ is such a low key, laid back guy, its still fun, somewhat disorganized (in a good, fun way) and pretty much everyone has a blast.  I was involved in the first few years then due to the oft mentioned mental health stuff, I was gone for a couple of years and then I have been working on Father's day for the last couple of years. But this year, I said; fuck it...I'm taking Father's Day off and I am going back to the East Side Classic to help.

I have been really down and feeling extremely lonely lately, realize that I have been isolating and need to interact with people more. I recently joined a non BookPeople Book Club for this very reason. I am trying to get my work schedule changed so that I can interact with some of my peer group on Saturdays more. Not sure how that is going to work out and may be looking for a new job in the near future.





At any rate, I had a good time. Two things happened there got me thinking (or thinking more any way). Number one was that one of the Big Medium people there had a reusable drink receptacle that had an A/TCEMS Employee Association sticker on it. I quietly said to here as I passed by to get to the main East Side Classic Booth to sell t-shirts and raffle tickets that I was the President of that organization a long ways back. She immediately followed me over and started asking questions. She started there the year that I left so we never crossed paths though I am sure she has probably asked people there now about I am. She wanted to know when I was President, etc. I gave a very short very readers digest synopsis of when I was President of the Association and how it was when they got aligned with CLEAT and unionized etc. She told me she was running for President this year and wanted to know if we could meet up so she could learn about the history of  the organization,etc. I basically told her that I had said pretty much all that I was going to say, that I really did not like talking about my life at EMS. In my head, I was going "why in hell did you say anything in the first place" She said  ok but later came up to me and gave me a piece of paper with her name and email address on; asking that if I changed my mind, she would really love to sit down with me and learn more. So now I have to figure out if I want to do that or not. My core being says NO-RUN AWAY-NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OF THIS_IT WILL JUST STIR UP SHIT YOU DO NOT WANT REMEMBER...then Bob(the internal shit stirrer who lives in my brain) pops in and says, it can't hurt, your memory is so bad anyway, it's just gonna be a mish mash of shit anyway.  So I don't know. Gonna ask the Gnome about it. If I just stick to the politics of the organization back then, what can it hurt....anyway....

The second thing that happened is that a guy came up to the booth to by raffle tickets. I said howdy and so forth and he asked how I was doing. I said fine, etc... then he started asking me questions about The Critter Fixers, the non-profit I set up out where I live to help people get their dogs spayed an neutered. I gave him the latest and he thanked me for posting up pics on Instagram of the dogs and such as his life was pretty shitty right now and they made him feel better. The kicker is, I have no idea who this guy is or was. He had a vaguely familiar look of the motorcycle hipster so probably have met him at some point. But he definitely knew who I was. One of the fellow volunteers asked me who he was after he walked off and I had to tell her that I had no idea. She said, well, you pulled that off pretty well. My memory issues have made me pretty good at faking acknowledgement. Just pretending I know what is going on and winging it. But it has me worried.

I recently had a text exchange with an ex girlfriend about a trip we took to Europe together a few years ago. We had gone over to meet my folks and my brother and sister and their significant others to help my mom and dad celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary in England. After we did that, L and went across the channel and spent some time in France and Belgium. She was texting me so stuff related to Brussels that I do not remember at all...none of it. This was a magical trip and I fondly remember some specific details  but she was relating some stuff I have not memory of. Is this left over from the ECT? Did it erase some random memories ? What about that guy? How come I can't remember who he is? I'll be getting ready to text someone and all of the sudden, I cannot remember their name even though it is someone I talk to almost on a daily basis. It seems to be getting worse.

I have had more than my fair share of concussions and head injuries in years past. Is this the manifestation of that combined with the ECT? Am I heading towards a deteriorating mind in years to come...ugh....not fun thoughts today. But I feel it is important to get them out.

2 comments:

  1. Hey J,
    In answer to your question about the ECT my guess is yes and the head injuries as well. Our brains are vulnerable to that, but heck my memory isn’t that great either so it could just be a combination of those and normal aging. When you hit 60’s then you really need to work your brain lol
    Don’t be afraid to take chances You can’t know unless you try right?
    But I do understand your feelings regarding being vulnerable as it were, to people and situations.
    Your journey has been really rough and I am awed at your ability and strength to come back fighting. Please don’t give up hope. Trust your journey, keep feeling good about you, because you are a wonderful soul who loves the important things in life and love.
    Love and Light to you always my friend

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